Satura Divulgamen
A
 “Lords of Chaos” Hollywood movie? Of course that will be met with applause from the underground...
Anyways, here are a few changes you can all look forward to happening after its release:

Mayhem will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Hellhammer will be there with Lindsey Lohan as his date. Weston Coppola Cage will present the award to them and his band Eyes of Noctum will play a cover of “Freezing Moon” that shall be met with a standing ovation.

The Jonas Brothers will start wearing leather pants and corpse paint and claim to be a “(black) metal band.”

Myspace scene kids will no longer have names like Gabby Gore and Brutal Bethany, but will change them to Kvlt Kristina and Michelle ist Krieg.

Guys in black metal bands will bed thousands upon thousands of Twilight fan-chicks. They will then proceed to try and use the bullet shells in their bullet belts to shoot themselves in the head.

Outraged fans who consider themselves “trve” or “troo” will wipe out the population of kids aged 11-17 who start going to black metal shows, because of this movie.

Emo bands will start to use satanic imagery like inverted crosses and Baphomet and some will attempt to reenact “Varg’s big night” to reach super-stardom.

The keyboardist from Abigail Williams will be #1 on “Maxim’s Hot 100.”

Shagrath and his plastic woman will become Hollywood’s new “it couple.” 

The VMA’s will install a new category called “most evil video of the year.”

Burzum shirts will be on sale at Wal-Mart for $9.99.

Top designers like Ralph Lauren will start selling $200 pentagram wristbands.


Jeffree Star will devote an entire Myspace photo album to him taking pictures in the graveyard, with his head down, while scowling.

Starbucks will start using the Immortal picture circulating the internet that says "I like my coffee like I like my music. Black."

Lady Gaga’s new album cover will feature her, with her brains spilling out “in honor of the lost legend, Dead.”

Hannah Montana will begin using horse and cow heads onstage.

The Disney Channel will introduce a new show called “Jan and Ingrid” about two kids in Norway starting a black metal band called Black and White Rainbow.

The number of church-burnings in the US will see a 1000% increase.

Satanism will become the new Scientology.

Paris Hilton will star in “Phallucifer Pt. II: A Night in Oslo.”